i thought i was strong enough today to tell my coach, to inform or update him about my situation. the doc said 6 weeks, but i told him 3. he just gave me a smile and said he probably cannot register me anymore. i noe it's fair, and i shld have been prepared. and i tot i was. but i just smiled and walk away. the whole training i was just sitting and watching, occasionally running to ease my guilt of not doing much. and all those runs werent easy at all- they were painful.
after trng the guys were taking a team photo. i think everyone was having fun, a good time laughin and clowning around. except me. i jus looked on as the sky darkened and the lightning flash. while everyone was so happy, i just wished the session wld end quickly so i cld leave. so i cld have some time on my own. right after the pohtotaking i rushed off with my bags to the toilet. when i hit the showers i just held on to the tap. i just let the water down on me. and then i cried. i cldnt help it. i just cldnt anymore. all that with the smiley face in school today, i just cldnt keep up with that anymore. in the cubicle where no1 cld see, i cried silently. for all that i've given in the last 6 months- my holidays and even my schooldays, when i reached home at 9pm on trng days- they all came to nothing. and it burns me every night. i really dunno wad else i can do. i'm losing faith. losing hope. it's almost like my sec 1 gym days, when i made a promise with tai boon to stand at the podium, as champions, in the c div competition. i was close, for a year. but only he made it. even till last yr, i wld wake up in the middle of the night and feel sad abt it. i really, really dun want soccer to end up like this.
when i hear how tobias talk abt talk him being proud n happy even if he doesnt win a first team spot after giving his all, i dunno. at least he has the hope. and i swear i'll give everything, anything, just for a chance to put on the jersey with the school crest, and step out there on the field to fight for glory.
but right now, i'm fucking beaten. i'm sorry.
_Buckled and Pimped
DisClaimer
Now what the hell do you write in a disclaimer!
The Awesome
Name: gJoe Birthday: 15 June Gender: Male Gunner! HwaChong Soccer