Wednesday, November 15, 2006
it's been a really disappointing day. fuck it. i din get the HP scholarship.
ok, so maybe i did not really give much thought to it after i submitted my stuff and application, thinking that i dun really care abt the outcome. until today. after alll the 15 names were out, i still did not feel it. i never knew it wld mean so much to me. ok, i might have felt a little frustrated at first, but that was it. after that some of us we went KBox, where i realised how much feelings i have vent up in me. screaming to All the small things and then singing Big Big World (ya the super old song which i haven heard for years), it brought me thru an emotional roller coaster. at the start of it i jus felt so messed up, but after the session i felt a whole lot better.
HP. it really means shitload to me. only me, simchun n yonghao did not make it frm proed, excluding those non-applicants. sure, i can accept it if i'm not in because i'm not good enough, but when i look at some pp inside, i jus feel like "WTF". really. wad the fuck. and slim told me this when he explained why i did not make it in. "your portfolio not good enough". then i look. u put mine with the top 15 that got in, i cld easily be inside them. certainly. anyway, screw slim too. everything he says jus makes u feel a lot worse. when he went arnd shaking all the our hands wishing us best of luck, he bloody did not mean it. i mean the way he took our hands, like he was holding up some jelly or something? god damn it, if u really mean us well, then fucking do it properly man. dun give some hypocritical best wishes shit. he din not even look at some of us when he wished us well. !!
it's been a long time since something good has happen to me man. u know wad? God, the person whom u wished to everytime when u want something really badly and he never listens? ya that guy. they always say he has a path for us when things go wrong? that he has a plan for us? if u're there and listening, pls make this boy happy for once. it's been too long. he's fucking tired.
_Buckled and Pimped